Getting Love, Being Loving

Take a moment right now to consider about your real intention when it comes to love:

* Is it most important to you to get someone to love you – to get love?

* Is it more main to you to be a loving person – to give love to yourself and others?

At any moment, you have one of these 2 intentions, and which you select determines your experience of love.

Getting Love

Most people move into relationships to be loved, rather than to be loving. Since most people were not loved as children and their parents did not role model loving themselves, they think that it is getting love that will make them feel the most excellent feelings – the most excellent about themselves.

They set out about looking for someone who they feel really sees and values them slightly than learning how to see and value themselves. Not valuing themselves, they consider that the only approach they will feel worthy and lovable is when someone they value loves them.

The difficulty is that, since we come together at our ordinary level of woundedness, the partner they pick is also looking to get love. At the start, they each give the other what they believe the other wants in order to get the love they are seeking. Since both are in the relationship to get love, both want manage over getting that love. Eventually, both feel extremely disappointed that their manage tactics – giving compliments, acting superior, getting judgmental, giving gifts, giving themselves up,being demanding or angry, and so on – do not work. They either decide they chose the incorrect partner and move on, or they try harder to manage -talking things out, convincing, explaining, debating, arguing and so.

Except as long as they are not first giving love to themselves, they will carry on to be let down and feel unloved.

Being Loving

When you learn how to take responsibility for loving yourself – for defining your own worth, taking loving care of yourself, and filling yourself with love – then you seek a relationship in order to share your love with another. You see relationships as learning chances to further build up your ability to love yourself and others. Relationships become chances to raise, play, share and love, rather than to get love, safety and justification.

When your intent is to be loving, you do not see relationships as having to meet your needs. Love, real love, does not need anything from the other person. Real love is giving caring, compassion, and understanding for the joy of loving relatively than with an plan to get love or authorization back.

Until you select to learn how to take full, 100% responsibility for your own feelings of pain, joy, worth and security, you will likely look for someone to take away your pain and make you feel safe, worthy and secure. The belief that someone other than yourself can do this for you, and that if they “love” you they will do this for you, is a major false belief that causes lots of relationship problems.

As long as you are making one more responsible for your feelings, you are abandoning yourself, and it is the self-abandonment that is the cause of your pain and lack of self worth.

Everything changes when you choose that your main intention is to be loving rather than to get love. Once you make this conclusion, after that you will naturally go about learning what you need to learn to be loving to yourself and share your love with others. Until then, you will be trapped in trying to get someone else to give you the love you need, and this will never take place, because it can only come from you. Their love is magnificent when they offer it, but you are the only one with yourself 24/7, so you are the only one who can consistently bring yourself the love you need.