How to Kiss

Good kiss is like jazz, an improvisation of melodies, flirtatious staccatos, and obsessive brassy crescendos. A good kiss is a rapport enacted physically, like sex, but more erotic. Many women don’t realize this. I’ve been surprised at how a lot of treat kissing like it really is “first base,” just a step towards something better. And when I meet such women, I face a dilemma, like being a music lover who discovers that a new friend has bad flavor. Do you break it off, or do you educate? And if you educate, how do you offer lessons without giving offense?

My first meet with such a kisser ended badly. Julie and I were 14, at the finish of our second date. She tilted her head, put her open lips to mine, and, using a grouping of wetness and suction, established airlock. Then her tongue invaded I imagined an eel or a water-dwelling snake, or perhaps a tapeworm, darting towards my throat, slithering around, and then moving back, only to strike again immediately. I tried to block her with my tongue, but she swirled and pushed me back. I could not breathe. Then I began to gag instinctively.

Being fourteen has its disadvantages; Julie had not learned the basic rule of kissing: it’s a conversation. There’s nothing inherently wrong with an all-out tongue invasion, but if your interlocutor hasn’t asked for it, then you’re more creepy than sexy. I didn’t even call Julie to break up with her, figuring that if a girl had literally made me gag, she would most likely get the message. Read: My One Great Love…Wasn’t

I soon realized, however, that my modest adolescent social status didn’t leave me much room to be picky. Plus, it turned out that even some splendid girls were terrible at kissing. I would have to teach them.

I took my instructional motivation from my first girlfriend, Christine-my gold standard when it comes to kissing. Our first kiss had been, to a boy on a first date, a little miracle. I had been terribly anxious as we approached her front door. My hands had begun to sweat. (How could I touch her with sweaty hands?) I become aware of my gangly height. (Could I reach her without bending awkwardly?) I began to doubt that I should kiss her at all.

Kissing mistakes to avoid

Is kissing an art, one that can be perfect with practice? According to this LLL post, yes, indeed it is, and there are five mistakes all kissing Casanovas should avoid making, lest they be cast into one of five unwanted, bad-kisser categories.

Maybe there is one universal meaning of a good kiss: a brushing of the lips that is soft, at once sweet and rapturous, just overall tasty.

But this does bring up one big question:

Does the potential for love, and the whole option of an ever-after, hinge on that first locking of the lips-is the first kiss the official chemistry barometer?

This is a deceivingly tough call. Yes, we’d like to say flat-out either there are fireworks or there is silence. Temperatures are towering or they’re plummeting. Your eyes are seeing stars as they close in anticipation or your brows are furrow as you blink hard, turn your head and offer your cheek. Easy call, right? Seemingly. But we’re not really of the cut-and-dry “if you’re not with us, you’re against us” ilk. So before writing off a happy ending after one less-than-perfect first smooch, we say: Give it a second try.

This will take into account any first-kiss jitters, out-of-sync timing or else distracting circumstances, let’s say pelting rain or noisy winds, for instance. If  however, that magic thing is still not present after a second mouth-to-mouth encounter, sorry to say, the spark is likely just not there. Plus, thing is, if the attraction’s strong enough, we’d scheme to say that a little salty sweat on the lips or rain in the hair wouldn’t much matter.

No pressure, or something, to hit the bull’s-eye the first (or second) go round.

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